Life Sucks and Then You Die

Inspirational Words from a Bad Ass Mom

We all go through life remembering those pearls of wisdom that stick with us. For many it's moments of affirmation, when we were given a story or a phrase or lesson that resonated with us. In the moment, especially if you were young, you may not have realized you were being delivered that "aha" thought. Then, later in life, you look back and realize..."oh that's what Mom meant" or "Dad was so wise when he told me that". Little pearls that are like universal asteroids that come swinging back at us at just the right moments. Even when that asteroid did a gravity orbit around Uranus, they can be gifts that change the way we respond to a situation.

When I was a kid in the early 80's, I was very scrawny. Like a bean pole. I actually wore polyester "slacks" and button-down shirts. The coolest thing I had was a Sony Walkman, the cassette one. My physique was mostly genetic, I think, but also a by-product of being obsessed with eating healthy, at the ripe olde age of 10. Even then, I was fighting my future of becoming slightly overweight and having a gut like my stepfather and all of my friend's dads. Beer belly. Blah. I didn't want that.

My mother encouraged it because she saw my passion and wanted to me to be healthy. She too, thought I was skinny, however. She encouraged me to eat some more protein and also to try lifting weights. I hated lifting weights. I still do. Up/down/up/down. Bores me to tears. I did it then because I wanted some muscle tone, but I would still rather run for miles than lift a single weight. I love to run. Always did. Still do. "I'm a gazelle, not a gorilla." I used to say to my mom. I don't know how she did not know I was gay. Honestly.

In addition to be skinny, I was also awkward as a kid. Definitely a drama geek, NOT a jock. Again, duh mom, how did you not see it? To make matters even more precarious, in all my awkwardness, I still loved to dance. A dancing gazelle! I would spin around the living room to the tunes of Madonna blaring from my Panasonic "boom box". I'd twirl and jump and land on my toes and be very dramatic. My mom would sit and watch me, on hot summer nights, usually with a glass of Gallo white wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Smiling. Laughing. Probably wondering what she was going to do with this boy who was so different from other boys.

Not that she ever showed it, she always encouraged me to express myself and to be who I was. She also told me to stand up for myself and never let anyone tell me I was not perfect the way I was. I guess those were words of wisdom, acts of motherly kindness built into my DNA. I, to this day, know that her decision to raise me that way helped me become the man I am.

It was on one particular summer night however I remember my mother dropped one of those asteroids of wisdom. This one definitely did a full rotation around Uranus because it landed on me like ton of bricks.

I was just finished dancing and sweating in the steamy living room with no air condition. I stopped and looked at my mother and told her that I really enjoyed being in the theater and dancing, but I wasn't sure it's what I wanted to do with my life. I hated rejection and I knew, even at that age, growing up in the northeast, that acting was competitive and hard, dancing even more so.

"Maybe, I'll become an architect instead".

My mother smiled at me, took a puff of her cigarette, and then put it out in the ashtray, staring at me with her smile while she tapped the butt down. She put down her glass of wine and clasped her hands together on her lap and said "my dear sweet boy, there is one thing you will need to learn, it's that the world is a harsh place, and the only person that is really going to look out for you, is you. Life sucks and then you die, kiddo so make the most of all of it, be or do whatever you want."

There it was, my mother's pearl of wisdom that sits with me to this day, taking its full universal journey around Uranus and landing in my 10-year-old lap. "Life Sucks and Then You Die".

Now before you start thinking “that sounds so awful”. “How could your mother say that to you, how is that inspiring in any way?” Settle down. Remember this was NJ. We didn't beat around the bush. My mother was raised in an orphanage, had a tough life, and she was tough as nails. She'd been through hell and back and lived to tell her story, so trust, it was so very wise.

Simply stated, she was just telling me to "live". Live life to its fullest, don't waste a moment, be in the now and just take it all in. Because life is short and the world is harsh, so we just have to make the most of the life we have. Life does "suck and then you die", but it's what you do with your life, and how you choose to "be" each day that counts. We all can walk through our days surviving, but it’s the thriving that counts. The thriving is what brings us to a higher purpose. Trust me, when I was done dancing that night, I went back to my room and tucked that little nugget into my deep subconscious, and it has guided me ever since. Life Sucks and Then You Die, so live every moment… like it's your last.